Best Cake Ever!!

I can't help but brag a little about my latest creation.
Yes, that is a cake!
And yes, I made it all!
Nigella Lawson recipe creme fraiche chocolate cake covered in royal icing, with marshmallows and other sweet goodness!

Happy Nineth Birthday Albert!

Also, I promise-I'll write a new blog soon!

Much love, Courtney xxxx

Mise à jour.

So wow, it's been over two months since my last entry, and obviously a lot has happened.

And while you all will probably hate me for it, I can't really be bothered to write down all that has happened.

I'll just say there's been a whole lot of stuff going down, and yet some how it feels like not much at all.

But tonight I was just reflecting on my evening, and how I've spent it, and it hit me that even this quiet evening reflects so many changes that have happened in my life over the past (nearly) six months. Wooooow-six months. Nearly six months ago I wrote down how I was scared about the future, but so excited. And now I'm here, looking back, I'm a bit in awe of how much change I can see in myself.

Like tonight for example.

I headed over to the flat at Spring Grove (i.e. Curtis and Lucy's) to make dinner for myself, and just hang out, as they aren't actually home (I'm writing from there). I stopped at the co-op on the way over and bought myself ingredients for dinner. I cooked myself breaded haddock with rocket, leek and garlic baby potatoes, and had a drink of pear cider on the side, as I enjoyed a few episodes of The Office, and some peace and quiet to myself.

For those of you who don't know me so well, or maybe just for those of you who don't know my eating/drinking/viewing habits inside out this probably seems rather normal.

But you are wrong!!

Let me tell you how all this would seem very odd to myself 6 months ago:

Six months ago.....

-I hated fish. I could not stand it! I didn't even eat meat! And now days I can't get enough of it. Fish, fish, glorious fish!

-I also hated rocket. Just a side note.

-I would never have touched cider. In my mind it woukd have been too much like beer-something I still loathe. But in reality cider is yummy, and hardly tastes alcoholic at all.

-I had a deep abiding dislike of The Office. Michael Scott made me die a little inside. The whole show would having me cringing and covering my ears and eyes. Not simultaneously obviously, but you dig my drift.

-I was a much more social person. In fact I was ALWAYS busy! Always working, or seeing someone, catching up for coffee, exploring, driving somewhere, or maybe nowhere-just driving to be doing SOMETHING. But now days I'm pretty far from it. I have two close friends-who are really like my English family, who I'll see 3 or 4 times a week. I have some friends at church, one of whom I'll catch up for coffee with maybe every second week. But I also spend a LOT of time alone. In fact, when I'm at my place-I don't even feel entirely alone, because I know I can't just walk down to the kitchen, or laze about in the lounge room, because in reality-it is someone else's house. So coming to Curtis and Lucy's while they're out is actually a real blessing in it self. It's totally quiet unless I want noise, I'm totally alone with my thoughts and myself, and I love it-I really do. I guess it's just evidence of some of the huge work God has been, and is still doing in me over this past season.

I guess I feel a bit odd as to where exactly I am. Not in the physical, but more my emotional grounding-my home.

You see-I think I don't really feel like I have a home. Now don't feel sorry for me! I'm not sad or depressed about it-its just an observation I have recently made.

How I can best sum it up is in terms of my bed.

Everyone knows the feeling of one's own bed. The feeling of missing it after a while of not sleeping in it.

I don't feel like I have a bed-not in the physical (duh), but yeah-in the FEELING.

There's my bed in my green room in Australia. In my mind that represents a younger, more dependent me. I had a dream last night that I was asleep in that bed, and Mum came and knocked on my door to wake me up for school. Ughhhh school.

There's my bed at Curtis and Lucy's. I guess it's a comfortable bed. It reminds me of late nights, and not much sleep-but always lots of fun. But it's not a bed I would ever physically miss.

And then there's my white bed, in my big, white room. My England room.

It's a big bed. It's oh-so-comfortable. But still, I don't ever miss it when I'm away from it.

And so, I surmise that due to my lack of attachment to any bed, I am inbetween homes. Just figuring out where I stand.

Because in my mind, Australia is my true homeland-my family and a lot of my childhood/teenage years friends are there. Eventually I believe I'll probably end up settling there.

But although it is my true homeland, when it comes to attachment to a country in the here and now-England is my home country.

I love England. I love the unpredictable weather. I love the lay of the land. I love the history and the fashion and the huge range of accents. I love the tough, loyal people.

And I know after my job finishes, I will only return to Australia for a time. I strongly feel my time here will not be finished 9 months from now.

But I don't feel particularly settled LIVING with the family I work for. I like my job, true. And for the most part, I absolutely love the family. But living there is really just exhausting. It's a bit unsettling, feeling like you're never truly off work unless you leave the place you live. Which is why I probably don't feel a home like attachment too it.

But really all this is okay. I'm not bothered by this lack of 'home'. A bit disoriented, yes, but not saddened.

I just believe it is God teaching me to ground my feeling of 'home' (a word the online dictionary defines as "a. An environment offering security and happiness. b. A valued place regarded as a refuge or place of origin.") in Him. To find my safety, my security, my happiness, my centre in Him.

And I'm happy with that. I know He is doing this because He LOVES me. The God of everything LOVES ME, and cares enough that He wants me to feel safe and secure where ever I am.

And in truth, that just makes me so SO blessed.

So blessed.

I know this has been a bit of a ramble, that is my life. A bit of a ramble. A very wonderful ramble at that.

My deepest love to you all

Courtney xxxxx

For God Has Given Us a Spirit of Love

Over the past few weeks God has been doing a work in my life. A work which I can not even grasp the full extent of, but a work I will none-the-less attempt to explain now.

I think I shall start with a word that God gave me maybe 2 weeks ago-I was in a cafe reading my Bible, and I just had this inexplicable need to write the following down:

When did we stop being real?

When did Christianity exchange the Holy Spirit's fire for half-heartedness and a culture that prefers to push possibility and opportunity aside, rather than use the power that is ours to use-our inheritance!

"For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline"!

Jesus said we shall do greater things than He-yet we prefer to believe that this will always be the call upon someone else's life, rather than our own.

We are told to love God with our entire being-told that this is the commandment. Yet we live in a society consumed by a material and hedonistic lifestyle.

We are apart of a generation that suffers from higher levels of metal-illness and obesity than any other generation before us-but if we only lift our eyes off of our worldly surroundings and look to God we would find a love that surpasses understanding, that gives us freedom from fear and a new identity!

Why has Christianity become more about religion and less about relationship? And who deemed that we could judge another human being? Where does the second greatest commandment fit into this scenario?

For we are called to love others with the same love that God has shown us-not to judge others, but to give and love freely regardless of our brother's and sister's social standing, their 'sins', their jobs, their race, their sexuality, their beliefs.

We are called to live a life that honours God-not one that pulls others down so that we may be made higher.

For it says in Philippians "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped..."

When will we take our eyes off the small part of the canvas and look at the full picture? The picture that would show us that we are here to love. To live a life that reflect's Jesus' life here on earth. A life that casts aside religion and embraces our brothers and sisters in Christ with the same love that God has shown to us.

And honestly, to look back on that now, two weeks on-I don't think I truly had any comprehension of what it was that God had put upon my heart.

And it is this that God has shown me.

That God has the power to do great miracles-miracles of healing, of setting people free, of casting out the demons. And He has given us this power to through the Holy Spirit.

But the true power behind these miracles is love.

It is God's love that set's people free from mental illness, from guilt, from Satanic powers!

And He has has shown us this love!

And it just keeps hitting me. I have this love. God has shown me this love. He Loves ME.

And I have the chance-the ability-nay, the OBLIGATION to share this love.

For in His love I have found freedom, I have found meaning and I have found Life, and Life abundant.

And there could truly be nothing more selfish of me than to hold back on showing other people this love.

So where are you at?

Because where ever you are in life-God is there with you too. And He feels it all. And He wants you to know that He LOVES you.

And in His love we will find the unselfish nature that so much worldly love lacks.

And so it is this that I am learning, and never before did I believe that God's call over everyone of our lives could be summed up into one word. But it can! It is love. LOVE LOVE LOVE

And it's not a corny love, it's not cliché. It is a powerful, cleansing, all consuming love- there is no fear in His love, no conditions, no traps. His hearts desire is that the world would realise that He LOVES us.

It is a Furious Love that is fighting a battle over our hearts and minds, not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

*Insert Major Mind-Explosion*

(To most definitely be continued)

Courtney

My Great Provider

There's this song I sing quite a bit kinda just to myself, just cause I love it.

And the opening lines are 'I have decided, I have resolved, To wait upon You Lord.'

And the more I live, the more I live my life with Him, the more I realise that this is a key element to relationship with God.

And today it just hit me again. Because God just stepped up once again and provided for me beyond my expectations, and when I looked back on the past month and a half I realised that God had just wanted me to wait.

The summer here hasn't been so easy for me. I mean I haven't been depressed, and it's been good in that I've really settled in, and have come to love the family I work for etc.

But I was lonely. And I did have a little too much time to myself. And when that happens I tend to think a LOT. Probably too much. And today I realised that Satan had really got into my thoughts. And I'm not going to go into detail, but by the time I realised it-my mind was pretty messy. Not quite mad, but getting there :P

But when I realised that I was just meant to be WAITING it all seemed to make much more sense haha

And anyway, back to today. Today Curtis and I went to the church I've been trying to get to in Canterbury for quite some time. And honestly, setting out for it I (and maybe both of us) was rather sceptical. I just was not sure if it was the kind of church I wanted to get involved in.

So I entered on the offensive, ready to judge the crap out of this church and all it stands for. But I was wrong. So wrong. Obviously I was wrong for going in on the offensive in the first place (not my place to judge etc etc-but those of you who know me well would understand that I wasnt being entirely unreasonable given past experiences). But I was wrong to think that there are no nice people in England. Au contraire mon chéri! In fact I met some of the nicest people today. People came and talked to me! Not exciting?? WRONG!!! In England people dont talk to new people. It's practically a law haha

I had a hug today! Not a big deal? WRONG!! I've hardly had any decent hugs here. Really. 'No touchies' is another unsaid law.

And an English male talked to me about his issues with thrush. Out of context it sounds odd, even disgusting. But in context it was funny! And I miss funny!

hahaha

But seriously-I immediately felt at home in this church. Worship was fantastic and I was drinking in the Holy Spirit like (insert analogy about something really thirsty), and the word was exactly what I needed to hear.

God provided for needs I didnt even realise I had today.

And so I'll just add another thing on the 'Things I am Grateful For, God' list. :D

On Another note, here are some pictures of things I am totally digging at the mo:

Clove Bud Oil-What a life saver! I have THE worst timed tooth ache in the world, and so this stuff does a good ol' job of masking le pain!

I know I've already raved heaps but (:D) MY NEW CHURCH!!!

At first I hated it, now I love it. The Office in all it's awkwardness and political-incorrectness has caught me hook, line and sinker.

And finally, Indian Takeaway leftovers. It's SO good at 9pm that I dont even care that I cant figure out what it is I'm eating hahaha

Oh and my new jumper. Ugly? A bit. Comfortable? HELLZ TO THE YE-AH!

So much love-GOD BLESS!!

xxxx

Oooh Er

I have realised I am a little horrified by the idea of having children now...

Soz Mum!

So keen for tomorrow-Curtis is back and we're hitting up the Tickled Trout-aw yeah!

Also so keen for a white choc and peanut cookie.

Nom nom nom

Also a bit bored.

Laura Marling. So. Excited.

I hear little footsies coming up my stairs. Best be off darlings

Love from me xxx

AW YEAH

So I was just browsing band sites to see if there were any cheap shows worth buying tickets for to add to the plethora of amazing music I already get to see this year.

I was on Laura Marling's website (I absolutely LURRRVE Laura Marling!), and I saw she was playing a show on the 2nd of December, and I was thinking 'POO' because I already had bought tickets to see Vampire Weekend that night.

And then it hit me. The wonderful words that followed.

"(Supporting Vampire Weekend)"

I pretty much had a fit.

God is SO looking out for me.

He is giving me so many things to look forward to!!

Foals

Born Ruffians

Vampire Weekend

aaaannnnnnddddd

LAURA MARLING

woo woo woo woo woo woo woo

haha i dont even care how lame this blog is.

I AM SO EXCITED!!!!

so. ex.cite.d. so. ex.cite.d. so. ex.cite.d. so. ex.cite.d. so. ex.cite.d. so. ex.cite.d.

(full stops are to stress my serious ex.cite.ment :D )

Thank You Lord God! You are an almighty God who provides-a God who cares about the small things (eg. bands i love!) !

lots of love my darlings xxxx

I'm SO excited

So I'm pretty excited.

Excited because I get to sleep in tomorrow morning.

Excited because God provides-ALWAYS!

Excited because today I bought my ticket to see Born Ruffians-meaning I will be seeing my 3 favourite bands within one month of each other.

Excited because in nearly 42 days Melanie Joy Barker will be joining me in this country to do our trip we've been planning for SO long!

Excited because I am able to do more and more planning for travels (Scotland over New Years, Greece and Prague in February/March, England with Mum, Holly n Soph in May etc)

Excited because I finally have internet in my room

Excited because God is so good

Excited because I made my first ever pie today (blackberry-hardly any leakage)

And excited cause my room looks like a proper bedroom should-messy, yet organised, and very personalised. Woooo!

It's late, and in reality I'm probably writing this to avoiding going to bed. But I really am excited! Think I'll watch some late night TV...

Some photos for my darling readers....

My door-reppin Aus, Lily Allen, Hot Guy, Family Pics, Pics from El etc

Australian Map/Letter, from David!

Unmade Bed, Large Amount of Photos

And Me (looking rather tired), and my lovely Red Armchair

Lots of love xxxx